Why am I lying on a stranger's sofa getting an injection in my butt? I have been sick, it seems ever since I returned to Mexico. One bad cold, bad cough,the normal flu, another cold, then carbon monoxide poisoning from the gas boiler in my small apartment, and another cold that has returned. I NEVER get sick normally. It could be stress and lack of good veggies, but my friend Omar tells me I simlply MUST go get an injection. Here in Mexico, shots in the ass are a normal part of staying healthy. I am skeptical. What's in this shot? Usually penicillin they tell me. The "doctor", who is no doctor, has a house above the pharmacy. Omar wants me to feel better. I tell him, it's a virus, and antibiotics don't work on viruses. But he insists that this will help me. He is adamant. He is taking it as a national insult that I don't trust in Mexico. I am intrigued. The lady posing as a doctor speaks about me in the third person. Omar tells her "She speak Spanish fluently". She continues to talk like I am not present. This happens frequently wherever I go. Once in a while I interrupt and ask her a question she can't answer, like, what drug exactly is she going to give me. She realizes I can speak Spanish like a Mexican and talks to me directly. "Oh, these are not drugs!" she exclaims, like I had just insulted her. But she couldn't really tell me what they were. They're not herbs, not drugs, not chemicals? Come on now. I studied latin and know what an antiobiotic's name sound like. I simply have a hard time believing in blind Mexican faith like Omar does. "But you have a bacterial infection!" she states with impunity. "You have a fungus on the tongue, just look at those little granitas!" I feel like I'm in a time share presentation. "She has a fever too," Omar pipes in. "Well, that means there is an infection!" She exclaims. Yeah, a VIRAL infection that CANNOT be cured with antibiotics, I'm thinking. "You are just afraid", she states boldly.
"I'm not afraid", I respond defensively. I'm just skeptical. "Soy sceptica es todo". She didn't know what that word meant. I am sure I am using it correctly. "it's just that I am not sure they are going to work." They are after all, NOT cheap, about 26 bucks for one injection. The hard sell is wearing me down. I stop trying to figure out what it is and just go upstairs. After I get my shot, Omar gets his and he is a bit of a baby about the pain. That's when she tell me about women and pain. "Men are less strong in matters like this." continues the so-called medical sage. Meanwhile, she is trying to upsell us on a full package of shots over the course of one or two years that will really benefit us and we will never be sick again. Sure, and a good way to ensure monthly income so she can pay for all the alcohol in her fully stocked bar, I think to myself as my eyes scan slowly over all the specialty tequilas and other strong stuff in her house. She also tells me that I shouldn't bathe for 3 days because if the skin is cleansed, the injection will come out through the skin and it won't work as well. Hmm. wish I had had a bath before I went for my shot. I don't believe any of this. Also, we shouldn't drink anything cold or frozen, and avoid drafts, and don't eat pork. Okay. Mexicans have a thing about drinking anything cold when you're sick. No chills, no wind, no cold. I mean, part of it makes sense. but it's so damn hot in this part of the country, it makes me grumpy. I plan to drink all the cold drinks I want. And pork is the national meat here. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.
Tomorrow: Well, I have had no miraculous recovery, but I do need a bath and soon. I've been cleaning fan blades and all the surfaces of the huge wooden table and chairs that are taking up space in this house I'm renting. I don't think anyone has looked under them for a decade; probably because they're so damned heavy they could rupture a hernia. Maddie got fleas yesterday and that put a wrench in an otherwise sleepy day of rest. Flea powders, sprays, etc. are lined up on my counter. When they say you shouldn't inhale it or touch it with your hands and to keep away from children and pets, it makes me wonder why I am thinking of putting on my dogs skin. One more war to wage. Early this morning my friend Julie texts me to say there's a flu epidemic in Mexico City that's killing off people. Coincindently this is where I had planned to visit, tomorrow, in fact for a week. I told her to stop watching the news. Good thing I had that miraculous injection.
Later that week:
I postponed the trip to the Capital and I think I have won the flea war; nothing like a good vacuum cleaner as a weapon. I broke down and got a mini shop vac and have been sucking up a storm after reading everything about them on the internet. Scary. The place is in shock. I think a good title for a book I must write will be: Cleaning up Mexico, one apartment at a time. Forget the war on drugs, Sandrina has her vacuum and she knows where you live. By the way, the location of the shot in my ass promptly turned dark purple, had a raised hard and painful bump for 6 weeks and I did not feel better any quicker. But Omar swears it cured him.
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